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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Bowling Green State Just Going To Claim Christopher Lloyd As Alumnus Until Someone Calls Them Out

BOWLING GREEN, OH—Saying they could easily take advantage of the false assertion until someone calls them out on it, administrators at Bowling Green State University plan to start claiming Emmy Award–winning actor Christopher Lloyd as an alumnus, sources confirmed Friday. “Prestigious alumni can be a powerful recruitment tool, and seriously, who’s going to check to see whether he actually went to school here?” dean of admissions Karl Schuller reportedly said at a meeting of the university’s board of regents, later adding that even though it’s not true, it couldn’t hurt to start saying that Doc from the Back To The Future trilogy graduated from the theater program. “A prospective student would have to read our brochure, see the claim, somehow suspect we’re lying, look into the matter, and then confront us about it. Even if someone does do all that, who cares? We could still get a few enrollments out of the deal before the jig is up.” If the policy proves successful, Schuller said he remained open to the idea of adding Garfield cartoonist Jim Davis to the list of the school’s College of Arts and Sciences alumni.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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