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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Boxer Who Killed Other Guy In Ring Somehow Not World Champion Now

LAS VEGAS—Despite punching his opponent so hard and so often Monday that he killed him in the ring, boxer James Griffin is somehow not the sport’s current world champion. “It would seem that killing a person while boxing would mean the pugilist has reached the absolute top of his profession, but according to federation rules, that isn’t the case,” said boxing analyst Gary Brito, adding that if the goal of boxing is to punch someone so that he can’t get up during a 10-count, punching someone to a point where he is physically incapable of ever getting up again should warrant some sort of championship belt. “There is something truly wrong with the sport when killing a man doesn’t at least earn the victor some extra prize money.” Griffin admitted to reporters he was disappointed the match did not make him world champion but said murdering a stranger with his hands in front of the man’s family and thousands of cheering people was its own reward.

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