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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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'Boy Meets World' Spin Off To Focus On Difficulties Of Raising Autistic Child

LOS ANGELES—Delighting fans of the popular ’90s sitcom, producers at ABC announced Tuesday that Cory Matthews, Topanga Lawrence, and other beloved characters from Boy Meets World will soon return to the small screen in Girl Meets World, an hour-long drama that centers on the couple as they struggle to raise a severely autistic daughter. “Children of the ’90s rejoice: Cory and Topanga are back and better than ever as the parents of 13-year-old Riley, an autistic teenager whose debilitating disabilities prevent her from fitting in with peers, understanding basic instructions, or showing any affection for her parents whatsoever,” executive producer Michael Jacobs said of the new show, in which the family also copes with long periods of unemployment, their daughter’s medical expenses, and the loss of Pvt. Eric Matthews in the Afghanistan War. “We’re thrilled that Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel will reprise their roles from the original series, as both are skilled performers capable of portraying the deep personal anguish that will follow their characters as they navigate the harsh realities of 21st-century American life.” Jacobs also confirmed that noted character actor William Daniels would return to the series as retired educator George Feeny, who has been admitted to hospice care after developing Alzheimer’s disease.

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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

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