Boyfriend Forced To Express Secondhand Outrage

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...

Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Boyfriend Forced To Express Secondhand Outrage

GREENSBORO, NC—According to sources, local boyfriend Martin Daniels was compelled to display secondhand outrage Monday as his girlfriend, Linzi Rosario, vented about a recent incident in which a coworker behaved inconsiderately toward her. “Ugh, I can’t believe she did that,” Daniels reportedly forced himself to say, employing a tone of disgust he hoped would convince Rosario he understood why she was upset. “You’re right. She was way out of line. I remember you saying she’s done that before, and it’s awful that she did it again. I’d be mad, too. I am mad.” At press time, with Rosario continuing to detail her coworker’s behavior, sources said Daniels had decided he should go ahead and spend the next five seconds or so shaking his head to convey a sense of commiseration.

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