adBlockCheck

Local

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
End Of Section
  • More News

Boyfriend Not To Be Trusted With Netflix Queue

ANN ARBOR, MI—Area resident Megan Sands announced Tuesday that her boyfriend, medical student Nick Kanis, would no longer be permitted to make unsupervised decisions concerning her Netflix queue. "I just checked it this morning, and Nick had added Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo to the list of films we supposedly want to watch," Sands, 25, said. "When I asked him about it, he said, 'Well, didn't you see the first one?' I don't even know how to answer that question." Barring a sudden password change or queue adjustment, Irish Jam, a 2006 comedy starring Eddie Griffin as an L.A. rapper who beguiles an entire village in Ireland, is slated to arrive in the couple's mailbox on Thursday.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close