Bracketiatrist Mistaken For Bracketologist

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Vol 44 Issue 12

Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

ITHACA, NY—"I'm going to be the big boy of the house until he gets back," said 5-year-old Ryan Lewis, whose daddy now resides in a cool underground fort.

Clinton Wants New Primary

Hillary Clinton is calling on Barack Obama to overturn the ruling of the Democratic party and concede to accepting the "do-over" primaries of Florida...

Tyler Hansbrough

It's uplifting to see his kind of intensity and passion, but what does that have to do with sports?
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Personal Finance

Bracketiatrist Mistaken For Bracketologist

LOS ANGELES—Basketball fan and board-certified bracketiatrist Arthur Levine, 36, was once again misidentified as a "bracketologist" in casual discussion of the NCAA tournaments Tuesday. "I hate to be a jerk about it, but while it's true I can do anything a bracketologist can do, I spent eight extra years in med school and three in residency so that I could call myself a bracketiatrist," said Levine, who is well-known in bracket circles for the depth and incisive quality of his bracketoanalysis. "Therefore, I would appreciate you calling me by my actual title." Witnesses to Levine's statement agreed that he badly needed the services of a qualified mixologist.
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