HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.
LOS ANGELES—Basketball fan and board-certified bracketiatrist Arthur Levine, 36, was once again misidentified as a "bracketologist" in casual discussion of the NCAA tournaments Tuesday. "I hate to be a jerk about it, but while it's true I can do anything a bracketologist can do, I spent eight extra years in med school and three in residency so that I could call myself a bracketiatrist," said Levine, who is well-known in bracket circles for the depth and incisive quality of his bracketoanalysis. "Therefore, I would appreciate you calling me by my actual title." Witnesses to Levine's statement agreed that he badly needed the services of a qualified mixologist.