What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Arrive On Oscar Red Carpet 12 Hours Early

'We're Just So Happy To Be Here,' Joyful Couple Announces

The Hollywood power couple, arriving to the Kodak Theatre shortly after daybreak.
The Hollywood power couple, arriving to the Kodak Theatre shortly after daybreak.

LOS ANGELES—Stepping out of a chauffeured limousine just as dawn broke above Hollywood's Kodak Theatre Sunday morning, Brad Pitt and longtime partner Angelina Jolie arrived at the 84th Annual Academy Awards, taking their place on the red carpet a full 12 hours before the event was scheduled to begin.

"Man oh man, Oscar Sunday! The day I've been waiting for all year has finally arrived, and what a thrill to actually be here in the flesh," said Pitt, adjusting his bow tie as a single city bus drove down the desolate Hollywood Boulevard. "Angelina and I were so excited, we bolted up out of bed at four this morning, got dressed, and had the car take us right over."

"Heck, it's not like we would have been able to go back to sleep anyway," he added. "It's the Oscars!"

Pitt, who received a nomination for Best Actor for his role in Moneyball, immediately strode right up to the theater's grand entryway, remarking how "unbelievably psyched" he was to be invited to the biggest night in show business to the small crew of workers groggily erecting the press tent.

According to sources, at approximately 8 a.m. the delighted couple began taking multiple laps up and down the empty red carpet, pausing along the way to giggle with excitement and to pretend they were waving at throngs of nonexistent fans screaming their names. A beaming Jolie then reportedly made a series of several slow turns as if a hypothetical pack of photographers was fighting to capture her from every angle.

An excited Pitt and Jolie stake out a good waiting spot to hang out at “until the stars arrive.”

Though she was not nominated for any awards herself, Jolie was hardly able to contain her enthusiasm to her equally elated husband, gushing about how she couldn't wait to see who would be mentioned in host Billy Crystal's opening monologue and what famous celebrities would be presenting awards.

"Just think, all the movie stars are going to be standing right here," said Jolie, gazing wide-eyed over the sea of collapsed folding chairs, un-built scaffolding, and exposed wires littering the sidewalk. "All the lights, the cameras, the glamour—I feel like I'm in a dream!"

Added Jolie, "I wonder if we'll see George Clooney."

As a fleet of flatbed trucks arrived to deliver dozens of portable bleachers, Pitt and Jolie decided to walk next door to the Hollywood & Highland center, where the Starbucks had just opened and Jolie could duck into the bathroom to adjust her makeup while Pitt could purchase a coffee and go over his acceptance speech should he win an award.

The couple returned just as crews were rolling the giant Oscar statue into place and tilting it upright, prompting Jolie and Pitt to giddily pull out their cell phones and take each other's pictures in front of it.

Pitt and Jolie then sat cross legged on the red carpet for 45 minutes, eating the bagged lunches they had packed the night before and marveling at all the bustle going on around them.

"Make sure to take a lot of pictures," said Pitt to Jolie. "Oh, and let's try to position ourselves near the limousines at the start so we can see when all the big names arrive."

"That's my favorite part," he added.

At press time, the couple had reportedly attempted to enter the theater to scope out the best seats, but were informed by security that the doors wouldn't be opening for another six hours.

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