Bradley Center Announcer Way More Into Miami Heat Than Bucks

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Vol 47 Issue 01

Modern-Day Cowboy Rides 18-Wheeler Full Of Entenmann's Products Westward

SOLOMON, KS—Awakening to the lonely howl of a distant coyote early Tuesday morning, C.J. Hoppel climbs into his 18-wheeler and sets off westward across a barren stretch of unbroken prairie, the whipping wind his only companion as he pulls a rig full of Entenmann's baked goods and snack cakes across the plains.

Robert Gibbs Stepping Down

While House press secretary Robert Gibbs announced he would be leaving his position as White House press secretary to work as a political adviser.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Small Business

Bradley Center Announcer Way More Into Miami Heat Than Bucks

MILWAUKEE—Barely mentioning the Milwaukee Bucks Monday night, the Bradley Center's public-address announcer continually showed blatant favoritism toward the Miami Heat, giving them an overblown introduction that included bombastically shouting each of the starters names, blasting music, and providing a choreographed light show. "He introduced us first even though we're the home team, and he kind of just mumbled the names of our starters," point guard Brandon Jennings said. "Then the lights went out, a laser light show started, and he told the crowd to 'please welcome their Miami Heat.' I wish the crowd wouldn't have cheered so loud, because that just encouraged him more." Though they were disappointed with their introduction, Bucks players were reportedly impressed with the confetti that fell from the ceiling after their 88-78 loss.

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