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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Bradley Center Announcer Way More Into Miami Heat Than Bucks

MILWAUKEE—Barely mentioning the Milwaukee Bucks Monday night, the Bradley Center's public-address announcer continually showed blatant favoritism toward the Miami Heat, giving them an overblown introduction that included bombastically shouting each of the starters names, blasting music, and providing a choreographed light show. "He introduced us first even though we're the home team, and he kind of just mumbled the names of our starters," point guard Brandon Jennings said. "Then the lights went out, a laser light show started, and he told the crowd to 'please welcome their Miami Heat.' I wish the crowd wouldn't have cheered so loud, because that just encouraged him more." Though they were disappointed with their introduction, Bucks players were reportedly impressed with the confetti that fell from the ceiling after their 88-78 loss.

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