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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Bradley Cooper Racks Up Staggering One Oscar Nominations

HOLLYWOOD—The race toward the 85th Academy Awards heated up today as Silver Linings Playbook star Bradley Cooper racked up an astonishing one Oscar nominations. “Lincoln and Life Of Pi both had a great day, for sure, but I think the real news story here was Bradley Cooper, who walked away with a massive one nominations,” said E! News correspondent Rachel Whitaker, adding that while the 38-year-old actor had been expected to get somewhere around zero nominations, most were stunned to see the star tally a stunning grand total of one. “This huge haul absolutely demolishes Cooper’s previous personal best of no nominations in 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, and 2004.” Cooper’s big morning comes on the heels of the actor announcing he would be starring in the upcoming half-film, The Hangover Part III.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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