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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Bradley Cooper Racks Up Staggering One Oscar Nominations

HOLLYWOOD—The race toward the 85th Academy Awards heated up today as Silver Linings Playbook star Bradley Cooper racked up an astonishing one Oscar nominations. “Lincoln and Life Of Pi both had a great day, for sure, but I think the real news story here was Bradley Cooper, who walked away with a massive one nominations,” said E! News correspondent Rachel Whitaker, adding that while the 38-year-old actor had been expected to get somewhere around zero nominations, most were stunned to see the star tally a stunning grand total of one. “This huge haul absolutely demolishes Cooper’s previous personal best of no nominations in 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, and 2004.” Cooper’s big morning comes on the heels of the actor announcing he would be starring in the upcoming half-film, The Hangover Part III.

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