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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Bradley University Wants To Bring NCAA Title Back To Middle Of Nowhere

OAKLAND, CA—The Bradley men's basketball team, fresh from earning an appearance in the Sweet 16, are eagerly anticipating their chance to bring the NCAA championship back to the middle of nowhere. "It's just great to be playing against Kansas and Pittsburgh and all these other great places we've seen on TV," said Bradley senior forward Marcellus Sommerville, who despite getting to travel on a plane to play in the tournament was modest about his team's accomplishment. "Meanwhile, we're concentrating on getting the job done for everyone back at the intersection of County Highway 78 and Rural Route G." Bradley athletics director Ken Kavanagh added that, should Bradley win the tournament, the city would probably have to install a stop sign to control the traffic of all the people wanting to see the championship trophy.

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