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Bradley University Wants To Bring NCAA Title Back To Middle Of Nowhere

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Bradley University Wants To Bring NCAA Title Back To Middle Of Nowhere

OAKLAND, CA—The Bradley men's basketball team, fresh from earning an appearance in the Sweet 16, are eagerly anticipating their chance to bring the NCAA championship back to the middle of nowhere. "It's just great to be playing against Kansas and Pittsburgh and all these other great places we've seen on TV," said Bradley senior forward Marcellus Sommerville, who despite getting to travel on a plane to play in the tournament was modest about his team's accomplishment. "Meanwhile, we're concentrating on getting the job done for everyone back at the intersection of County Highway 78 and Rural Route G." Bradley athletics director Ken Kavanagh added that, should Bradley win the tournament, the city would probably have to install a stop sign to control the traffic of all the people wanting to see the championship trophy.

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