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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Brady Quinn: 'I'm Going To Be A Bust'

DUBLIN, OH—Top draft prospect Brady Quinn, a strong-armed quarterback out of Notre Dame who is expected to be taken with one of the first five picks in the draft, told scouts interviewing him at his family home Monday that he would in all likelihood be a huge NFL bust. "While it's true I have impressive arm strength, and that I'm willing to stand up in the pocket against the rush, the fact remains that my lack of downfield accuracy gets me in trouble on the deep throws and my field vision is suspect," Quinn told draft evaluators from the Raiders, Browns, and Cardinals."Combine that with the enormous starting bonus I'll receive and the tendency for teams to try and develop quarterbacks long after they should give up, and I really just have 'bust' written all over me." While Quinn recommended teams look to solid prospects such as quarterback Jamarcus Russell, tackle Joe Thomas, and running back Adrian Peterson, Raiders owner Al Davis is reportedly more interested than ever in signing Quinn.

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