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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Brady Quinn Studies All Night For Written Portion Of QB Competition

CLEVELAND—Browns quarterback Brady Quinn announced Wednesday that he had been staying up all night to prepare for the written portion of the starting QB competition by learning the history of the Cleveland Browns, studying football vocabulary words, and memorizing all the symbols in the playbook. "I'm really organized and feel equipped to answer the toughest true or false, multiple choice, and fill-in-the-blank questions," said Quinn, who was spotted using a flashlight to study underneath the sheets of his training-camp bed. "I made flash cards, too. I know exactly where to position your hands when receiving the snap. And it took me a little while, but I can totally define a forward pass. I'm gonna ace this thing." Quinn, upon asking coach Eric Mangini the minimum word count for their quarterback essays and whether he would be graded on a curve, was reportedly told that the QB competition was over.

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