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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Brandon Jacobs Furious At Giants Coaching Staff For Not Giving Him More Yards Per Carry

NEW YORK—Giants running back Brandon Jacobs was reportedly furious with coaches following a team meeting Tuesday, loudly expressing his displeasure and demanding more yards per carry. “I work really hard at practice and study the playbook, but then they constantly have me getting tackled by the first defensive player I make contact with,” said Jacobs, complaining that the coaches rarely reward his labor with a touchdown-scoring run. “They’re giving [Ahmad] Bradshaw more yards per carry than me. They like him better. I don’t get it. Seems like I get all the negative rushes or the ones for really short yardage. How is this supposed to make me feel appreciated?” Backup quarterback David Carr expressed empathy for Jacobs, claiming the team has repeatedly ignored his requests for better throwing mechanics, a stronger arm, and more accurate passes.

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