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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Brawl Clears Benches Of Everyone But J.D. Drew

ANAHEIM, CA—Bobby Abreu's angry reaction to a purpose pitch from Boston ace Josh Beckett triggered an ugly fracas Sunday that saw both teams' benches and bullpens cleared, with the notable exception of Red Sox outfielder J.D. Drew. "They looked like they had it under control; don't want too many cooks in the kitchen," said Drew, who could be seen yawning and flicking sunflower seeds into a nearby water cup during the fight. "I thought about getting in there for a second, but then I thought, nah. It didn't really directly concern me. I mean, yeah, they shoved a bunch of my teammates, but it's not like they were gonna die or anything. If someone was in mortal danger, I'd step in there. Yeah, I'd probably do that." Drew then turned his attention to perusing his contract for opt-out clauses.

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