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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Brawl Highlights Decades Of Tension Between China, Georgetown

BEIJING—The bench-clearing brawl during last week’s exhibition game between the Georgetown Hoyas and China’s Bayi Rockets was merely the latest incident in a long-simmering conflict between Asia’s most powerful country and the college basketball team, historians confirmed Monday. “Tensions between the two have been mounting ever since then-coach Buddy O’Grady came out against Mao Tse-tung and the Chinese Revolution of 1949,” said Georgetown professor Anthony DelDonna, adding that Allen Iverson’s visit to Taiwan in 1994, during which the point guard officially recognized the sovereignty of the island state, brought the communist nation and the college to the brink of all-out war. “The only surprise is that anybody made it out of this basketball game alive. The Chinese spent much of the 1980s trying to assassinate Patrick Ewing.” Though further conflicts may be temporarily averted by Georgetown coach John Thompson III and Chinese president Hu Jintao’s agreement to let U.N. peacekeepers officiate games, intelligence reports indicate the Hoyas are now only six months away from completing their first nuclear weapon.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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