Braylon Edwards Confident He Could Fly If He Tried Hard Enough

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Vol 47 Issue 03

"Late Inning Drama" Episode Guide

Episode 1: Odd Manager Out The Arrows have a new manager, but he's not what he seems. Masters thinks there's a killer on the team, but all his evidence is circumstantial. Meanwhile he's giving up monstrous home runs. Will the team crack their los...

In Memory Of Susan Merriweather

With great regret, we wish to inform you of the death of Onion News Network international reporter Susan Merriweather. Susan, who started at the Onion News Network as Today Now's denim correspondent in 2002 and worked her way up to become one of the netwo...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Braylon Edwards Confident He Could Fly If He Tried Hard Enough

PITTSBURGH—After two impressive wins in Indianapolis and New England, confident New York Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards told reporters Friday that under the right conditions, he could probably take off from the ground and fly. "I'm not saying it would be easy, but I'm pretty fast," said Edwards, who stretched his arms out to demonstrate how, for the most part, he would glide and use an occasional arm flap to keep aloft. "The problem is football fields are only 100 yards, and I would need more takeoff room than that. But if it's a downward slope, and I get the right wind behind me, I think I could probably make it to Florida." Edwards concluded the press conference by adding, "Nrrrrrrrrrwwwww I'm an airplane, pshew pshew pshew."

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