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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Brazilian Government Posts Listings For 12 Soccer Stadiums On Craigslist

SAN FRANCISCO—Listing the athletic facilities within two hours of the conclusion of the World Cup final, the Brazilian government has reportedly posted 12 separate advertisements for soccer stadiums on Craigslist, sources confirmed Wednesday. “This is a great, gently used stadium that seats almost 40,000,” read the post for Arena das Dunas, which featured three grainy photos of the locker room, pitch, and a concession stand, adding that prospective buyers could view the sporting arena, or any of its other 11 for-sale structures, in person by simply touring the unlocked facility on their own. “This is perfect for soccer matches, conventions, and college graduations, and would go great with any of the northeast stadiums that are also available. All buyers must be willing to remove from site on their own. Serious inquiries only, please.” At press time, the ad had reportedly been updated to state that Brazil would only be willing to sell the stadiums in one-to-one trades for schools and hospitals.

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