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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Breaking: Adam Got A PS4 For Christmas

He Got ‘Battlefront’ Too

DANVILLE, CA—Saying that the 10-year-old was so freaking lucky, sources in Mrs. Burnett’s homeroom class confirmed Monday that local 5th-grader Adam Samuels got a PlayStation 4 for Christmas and Star Wars Battlefront, too. “Oh man, Adam’s parents totally got him a PS4, Battlefront, and two controllers,” said fellow student Spencer Grant, who told reporters that Samuels had already fought a huge battle on Hoth against a bunch of people from different countries and stuff. “He has to share it with his little brother though. Plus, his mom only lets him play for a couple hours a day. His grandpa is gonna buy him Batman: Arkham Knight if he gets all A’s and B’s on his report card.” At press time, several classroom sources disputed Samuels’ claim that he blew up an AT-AT with a single shot from a bowcaster.


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