BREAKING: Can Anyone Ever Truly Know Anything? What Is The Truth?

Top Headlines

Recent News

NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding

WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.

What The Planet Will Look Like In 2100

As scientists try to project the effects of climate change into the future, many of these forecasts only go as far as 2100, a year beyond which the alterations to our environment become much harder to predict. Here is a breakdown of what we can expect our world to look like in 2100

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Productivity

BREAKING: Can Anyone Ever Truly Know Anything? What Is The Truth?

WATERTOWN, MA—According to the latest news breaking from the scene of the ongoing Boston bomber manhunt, sources asked if anyone can ever truly know anything and, when one actually stops and thinks about it, what is the truth, really? While authorities have continued updating the public on the progress of the manhunt and eyewitnesses have corroborated the stories, reporters have to wonder: How do any of us ever really discern what has “happened” from what has “not happened,” if indeed such terms are mutually exclusive, in the context of spacetime, or even truly knowable? Furthermore, one could potentially view everything we see and hear—or rather, everything we perceive—as being little more than a string of continuing falsities, one after another, throughout the entirety of our existence. Who can we trust? Is our only option to continue believing everything we experience, in a phenomenological sense, and ignore the true possibility that all that truly is, has been, and will be, is an illusion, a shadow cast upon the wall of eternity? Keep checking theonion.com for more updates on this story, which may in fact only be an elaborate construct of our own collective consciousness.

Continuing coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings