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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Breaking: Congressmen Walking Somewhere

Groups Of 2, Sometimes 3 Seen Heading Down Hallways

WASHINGTON—Sources from inside the U.S. Capitol are reporting that random groups of congressmen are currently walking through hallways, corridors, and foyers toward some location, often in groups of two, three, or four. “Though their destination remains as yet unclear, the legislators have been seen walking up and down staircases, and have also been observed gesticulating with both their right and left arms,” Beltway observers told reporters, adding that an assortment of congressional aides are typically trailing behind the various groups. “Some clusters of congressmen are talking and joking with one another. Others are confidently striding through the Capitol. Occasionally they will lean in to one another and whisper something out of earshot of reporters and then slyly smile. We still don’t know where they are going, though.” At press time, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) was the only elected official seen walking by himself, with no one within 30 feet of him.

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