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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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BREAKING: How’s Everyone Doing?

WATERTOWN, MA—Sources are currently reporting no actual relevant breaking news of any kind coming out of the Watertown area, so, yeah, anyway, how’s everyone doing? You guys doing good? Reporters from The Onion can verify that they’re doing pretty good, just waiting for some more breaking news to come in. You know how it is. Everything’s good other than that, though.

Man. Crazy day, right?

Let’s see, what else. Anything else big happening? Oh, you guys see that breaking news update about how the brothers were Chechen? You probably did. It was from a while ago. Pretty interesting, though.

Hey, speaking of, quick question: How are you guys getting your news on all this stuff? Through Twitter? Seems like people are checking a mix of different things. Would be interesting to see some stats on where people are getting their news. Would probably make a pretty interesting graph, if someone wanted to graph it out. The times they are a-changin’, eh?

Well, anyway. Again, hope everyone is doing okay. And...yeah. That’s about it. We’ll check in soon. Take care, guys.

Continuing coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings

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