adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
End Of Section
  • More News

BREAKING: Lovers Lost In Fog

‘Isabelle!’

SEDGECREST GRANGE—According to reports currently emanating from the sullen gloom of Sedgecrest Grange, two young lovers, mere moments after their impetuous peregrination into the dusky marshlands, have become hopelessly lost and separated, their every movement obscured by fog’s ashen shawl. “Isabelle!” called out Clancy Ferris Radford, a swain of handsome countenance, noble of birth yet possessed of a schoolboy’s willfulness, his whims unbridled, his temper as wild as the desperate cries to his beloved presently vanishing into the misty bog. “Isabelle! Seek out my voice, fair girl! The evening hastens!” At press time, a chill had gripped the air, beckoned by twilight, as Clancy’s soul yearned for the warm sanctuary of Sedgecrest Manor, for the touch of brocade and the smell of spiced wine, and for the azure eyes of his raven-haired beauty, now lost, perchance forever, in the widening brume.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close