After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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BREAKING: Mrs. Nichols Also Daniel’s Mom

WATERLOO, IA—Validating rumors that had been circulating throughout recess and lunch, sources at Lowell Elementary School are now confirming that Mrs. Nichols is also Daniel’s mom. “It totally makes sense,” said classmate Sarah McGreevy, who minutes earlier had witnessed Daniel getting into his mother’s car in the faculty parking lot. “They have the same last name and kind of have the same hair. Plus, Ryan said he saw a picture of her when he was playing Xbox at Daniel’s house. It’s got to be true.” Fellow classmates have reportedly already begun speculating that the reason Daniel isn’t in his mother’s class is because she’d probably give him all A’s.

After Birth

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