BREAKING: Producers Assume Shannon Sharpe Doing Highlights Right Now

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Vol 50 Issue 01

Food Companies Cut 6.4 Trillion Calories From Products

A study has found that a group of 16 major food companies including Kraft and Coca-Cola cut a total of 6.4 trillion calories from their products between 2007 and 2012, far exceeding their pledge to slash 1.5 trillion calories by 2015.

Study: 80 Percent Of Super Bowl Ads Don't Boost Sales

A new study by advertising research firm Communicus found that 4 in 5 commercials that air during the Super Bowl don't increase sales of the product, an outcome researchers attribute in part to advertisers focusing more on telling a story than promoting a...
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BREAKING: Producers Assume Shannon Sharpe Doing Highlights Right Now

NEW YORK—Several new reports indicate CBS producers are just assuming that NFL Today analyst Shannon Sharpe is doing game highlights right now, speculating that the broadcaster’s incoherent rambling might be related to one of the top plays from Sunday. “Uh, he’s mumbling about something, but I don’t know what the hell he’s babbling about,” said producer Drew Kaliski, who was visibly weary while struggling to follow along with Sharpe’s unfathomable commentary. “I think I heard ‘Luck’ in there somewhere. It doesn’t matter; just throw a touchdown on the screen.” At press time, CBS producers reportedly determined that Sharpe was probably never going to shut up.

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