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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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BREAKING: 'The Onion' In Kill Range Of Boston Bomber Suspect

Do We Take The Shot? Tweet Us Your Votes

BOSTON—Saying that we have a clear shot and we are ready to fire if given the go-ahead, The Onion has confirmed it will take out the Boston Marathon bomber if Twitter users give us enough “yes” votes to do so. “Folks, it is now or never, so tweet @TheOnion ‘Yes, kill the terrorist,’ or ‘No, stand down,’ depending on what you want us to do,” confirmed this reporter. “It’s a head shot, but we can do something less messy if you want. We will tabulate the votes in 40 seconds.” Sources said the terrorist looks like he’s on the move, so get to the social networking site immediately.

UPDATE: ‘The Onion’ Apologizes For Killing Innocent Boston Man Tom Mahoney

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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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