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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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BREAKING: Thriller Writer Jeffery Deaver At Top Of His Game

NEW YORK—Late-breaking reports from the literary community confirmed just moments ago that veteran thriller writer and No. 1 bestselling author Jeffery Deaver has done it again. “POW! Deaver is back and better than ever with a new heart-stopping juggernaut of a book that showcases the 31-time novelist at the peak of his powers,” a publishing representative confirmed to reporters this morning, adding that this latest and best installment in the author’s Lincoln Rhyme series is “not to be missed.” “With every twist and turn, The Kill Room cements Deaver’s status as the undisputed master of the modern spy thriller. The one-two punch of this cunningly wrought, crackerjack page-turner will keep you guessing until the very end.” An update received at press time confirmed that if the book’s chilling conclusion doesn’t make your pulse pound, you probably don’t have one.

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