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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Breaking: Tim Tebow Drawing Interest From Media

NEW YORK—Late-breaking reports from several major broadcasting outlets confirmed moments ago that recently cut quarterback Tim Tebow is currently drawing a significant amount of interest from American media. “There has certainly been a lot of chatter on Tim Tebow, linking him to several high-profile news stories,” an anonymous source told reporters, adding that Tebow was presently attracting attention from ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, and ESPN as well as print media, radio, and the internet. “Obviously the frenzy of moves made by the media clearly shows that Tebow is a very intriguing prospect who has so much potential to truly shine in headlines, articles, or even as the topic of a short broadcast segment.” Despite the overwhelming enthusiasm from the media, NFL fans have reportedly expressed zero interest in Tim Tebow.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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