adBlockCheck

Recent News

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

BREAKING: We’re Doing A Bad Job

WATERTOWN, MA—In an important development since our last update, sources can now positively confirm that we are doing a bad job covering the ongoing manhunt for Boston Marathon bombing suspect Dzhokar A. Tsarnaev. After soliciting information from the public regarding the quality of our reporting and taking an honest look at what we’ve done in the past hour, we have learned that not only is our coverage substandard, but atrocious. Sources confirmed that, if we’re being honest, we have done nothing but waste your time. Moreover, reports indicate that nothing will actually be worth reporting until the second bombing suspect is apprehended or killed.

Continuing coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close