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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Brett Favre Apparently Undecided If He Will Return To Vikings This Season

MINNEAPOLIS—ESPN analyst John Clayton reported Monday that, after throwing four interceptions and just one touchdown in the first two games of the 2010-2011 football season, Brett Favre is still undecided about whether he will return to the Minnesota Vikings. "His lack of presence in either game shows that he has not yet committed to a yes or a no answer, though it would appear that he is leaning toward no," Clayton said on SportsCenter, adding that three veteran Vikings players traveled to Favre's locker last Sunday and begged him to return to the team during halftime of the week-two loss to the Dolphins. "With a cumulative QB rating of 56.1, his heart clearly isn't in it. Maybe he's sending a message to Vikings brass that he's ready to call it a career." Following his television appearance, Clayton reportedly received a text message from Favre, who said he would make a decision about returning when he is ready.

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