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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Brett Favre Apparently Undecided If He Will Return To Vikings This Season

MINNEAPOLIS—ESPN analyst John Clayton reported Monday that, after throwing four interceptions and just one touchdown in the first two games of the 2010-2011 football season, Brett Favre is still undecided about whether he will return to the Minnesota Vikings. "His lack of presence in either game shows that he has not yet committed to a yes or a no answer, though it would appear that he is leaning toward no," Clayton said on SportsCenter, adding that three veteran Vikings players traveled to Favre's locker last Sunday and begged him to return to the team during halftime of the week-two loss to the Dolphins. "With a cumulative QB rating of 56.1, his heart clearly isn't in it. Maybe he's sending a message to Vikings brass that he's ready to call it a career." Following his television appearance, Clayton reportedly received a text message from Favre, who said he would make a decision about returning when he is ready.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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