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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Brett Favre Avenges Storied 16-Year Career With Packers

GREEN BAY, WI—Brett Favre beat the Green Bay Packers on Sunday for the second time this season, his decisive 38-26 victory exacting some small measure of revenge for the adulation and hero worship heaped upon him by the city of Green Bay and the entire state of Wisconsin for the better part of two decades. "It feels good to finally get retribution from the team that gave me my first chance to start, believed in me despite the pitfalls of my early career, and ensured I will be a first-ballot Hall of Famer," Favre said at a postgame press conference. "And to do it in front of those fans, who unconditionally loved me through thick and thin while I struggled with a Vicodin addiction and disastrous interceptions, just made it that much sweeter. Sixteen long years of devotion, and they're finally getting what they deserve." Favre mentioned that when he does retire, he is looking forward to "really sticking it" to the wife and daughters whose loving presence has been the one constant during his playing career.

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