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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.
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Brett Favre Claims He's One Loss Away From Career-Ending Injury

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—Though Vikings quarterback Brett Favre confirmed his ailing right shoulder was "no big deal right now" and that the broken bones in his left foot were "uncomfortable but endurable" for the moment, the three-time MVP told reporters Thursday that one more loss could exacerbate his injuries to the point where he would have to retire. "At this level, and at my age, it would take just one game-breaking play—a deep pass, a long run, anything—by the opposing offense to aggravate an injury to the point where I can't go on," said Favre, who later claimed his injuries become more serious with each defeat he suffers. "It's entirely possible for any given team on our schedule to outscore me so badly I can't physically continue my heroic streak of consecutive starts." Favre also added that any victory he led the 3-6 Vikings to this season would be an amazing display of toughness.

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