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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Brett Favre Just Chucks Reputation Up There

NEW YORK—Just weeks after safely handing off his legacy to historians and retiring as one of the most beloved sports figures in recent memory, Packer legend Brett Favre decided to make one last desperate heave for glory by signing with the New York Jets. "If I've learned one thing in my life, it's that sometimes you just have to put everything you got into one last desperate hurl for it all," Favre said after agreeing to a one year, $12 million Hail Mary contract. "I just thought I'd take everything I've come to represent, whip it as far and as fast as I could, and see who came down with it." Favre did not comment on whether or not he considered signing with the Jets to be a successful completion of his career or life.

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