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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Brett Favre Mails Arm To Vikings

HATTIESBURG, MS—Retired quarterback Brett Favre mailed his throwing arm to the Vikings Tuesday, sending the record-setting limb to the team's headquarters for evaluation in hopes of signing with Minnesota. "I made sure to bubble-wrap it, and I stuck a couple big chunks of dry ice in the envelope, so it should be fine," said Favre, who sent the appendage after the Vikings expressed health concerns with the potential signing of the 39-year-old quarterback. "Once the Vikings examine it, I'm sure they'll find that my throwing arm has no structural damage. The doctors who cut it off said it looked great." According to James "Bus" Cook, Favre's agent, the three-time MVP is unlikely to come out of retirement if the Vikings believe that his amputated throwing arm will require major surgery.

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