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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Brett Favre Promises To Throw Ball As Far As He Can In NFC Championship Game

GREEN BAY—Veteran quarterback Brett Favre promised fans and teammates that he will not let them down while playing in his first NFC championship game in 10 years this coming Sunday, vowing that he would throw the football as far and as hard as he possibly can. "The Packers have come to expect a certain caliber of performance from me, specifically that I throw the ball a real long ways," Favre told reporters at a press conference after a Tuesday practice in which coaches said he was throwing the football as far as he did when he was in his twenties. "And I won't let them down on Sunday. Not only will I throw that ball a long ways, I'm going to throw it real, real hard, too." After Favre's announcement, Packers coach Mike McCarthy announced that Wednesday's practice would concentrate on running the Hail Mary when inside the Giants' five-yard line.

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