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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Brett Favre Still Taking Post-Game Shower

GREEN BAY, WI—The Packers confirmed Wednesday evening that quarterback Brett Favre had yet to emerge from the Lambeau Field locker-room shower he entered roughly an hour after throwing the game-sealing interception against the Giants in the NFC Championship game. "We aren't worried about him quite yet. He's been here before," head coach Mike McCarthy told reporters, politely declining their requests to speak to the three-time MVP. "We can hear him in there chewing himself out, shouting strings of curses, and occasionally breaking into a mournful version of 'Friends In Low Places,' so we know he's okay. He's just got some stuff to work out is all." Favre, who has yet to announce whether or not he will return for another season, has thus far limited his public statements to daily requests for the stadium's hot water to be turned back on.

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