When tragedy struck Kansas City today, Onion reporters were first on the scene. This is a video recap of our coverage of the Gunman story that began this morning when she killed zero in a crowded mall.
GREEN BAY, WIAlthough star Packers quarterback Brett Favre has yet to actually announce whether he will play another season in the NFL, any decision he makes will be certain to disappoint football fans in some way. "I don't know what he'll do, but it's a real shame either way about FavreI mean, on one hand, he's so well-loved, he's an almost-certain Hall of Famer, he's the prototypical gunslinger quarterback that you love to watch, and he's only 25 touchdown passes away from breaking Marino's all-time record," Stoughton, WI bar owner and football fan Patrick Kettle said Tuesday following Favre's confession that he was leaning toward retirement. "Then again, the Packers have to learn to get by without him someday, and the fans don't want to see him decline right before their eyes. Plus, come onhe's only 22 interceptions away from breaking George Blanda's all-time record." Football fans nationwide say they intend to both celebrate their good fortune and mourn the end of an era no matter what Favre ultimately decides.