Brett Favre's Retirement Decision To Disappoint Fans Either Way

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Vol 42 Issue 05

Most Fertile Irish Male Found

Irish scientists believe they have discovered the most fertile Irish male, a fifth-century warlord named Niall of the Nine Hostages with over 3 million offspring worldwide. What do you think?

Danish Cartoons Offend European Muslims

A series of recent political cartoons, published initially in Denmark and reprinted by seven other European newspapers, has offended Muslims with its depictions of Muhammad, including one with a bomb for a turban. What do you think?

Roger Federer Admits Tennis His Fourth-Favorite Sport

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—In a tearful admission following his seventh Grand Slam title at the Australian Open Sunday, Roger Federer told members of the press that, while he "like[s] tennis okay," there are at least three other sports he would...

Analysts Predicting Most Evenly Matched Blowout In Super Bowl History

DETROIT—Citing the Steelers' overwhelming defense and remarkable team resilience, as well as the overpowering Seahawks ground game and odds-defying tenacity, football analysts around the nation say Super Bowl XL is shaping up to be one of the most evenly matched blowouts in the history of the NFL Championship Game.
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Brett Favre's Retirement Decision To Disappoint Fans Either Way

GREEN BAY, WI—Although star Packers quarterback Brett Favre has yet to actually announce whether he will play another season in the NFL, any decision he makes will be certain to disappoint football fans in some way. "I don't know what he'll do, but it's a real shame either way about Favre—I mean, on one hand, he's so well-loved, he's an almost-certain Hall of Famer, he's the prototypical gunslinger quarterback that you love to watch, and he's only 25 touchdown passes away from breaking Marino's all-time record," Stoughton, WI bar owner and football fan Patrick Kettle said Tuesday following Favre's confession that he was leaning toward retirement. "Then again, the Packers have to learn to get by without him someday, and the fans don't want to see him decline right before their eyes. Plus, come on—he's only 22 interceptions away from breaking George Blanda's all-time record." Football fans nationwide say they intend to both celebrate their good fortune and mourn the end of an era no matter what Favre ultimately decides.
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