adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Brett Favre's Retirement Decision To Disappoint Fans Either Way

GREEN BAY, WI—Although star Packers quarterback Brett Favre has yet to actually announce whether he will play another season in the NFL, any decision he makes will be certain to disappoint football fans in some way. "I don't know what he'll do, but it's a real shame either way about Favre—I mean, on one hand, he's so well-loved, he's an almost-certain Hall of Famer, he's the prototypical gunslinger quarterback that you love to watch, and he's only 25 touchdown passes away from breaking Marino's all-time record," Stoughton, WI bar owner and football fan Patrick Kettle said Tuesday following Favre's confession that he was leaning toward retirement. "Then again, the Packers have to learn to get by without him someday, and the fans don't want to see him decline right before their eyes. Plus, come on—he's only 22 interceptions away from breaking George Blanda's all-time record." Football fans nationwide say they intend to both celebrate their good fortune and mourn the end of an era no matter what Favre ultimately decides.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close