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The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Brian Cashman Saves Job With Eight Shutout Innings

NEW YORK—As Brian Cashman watched another Yankees starting pitcher struggle during the first inning during Tuesday's game against the Blue Jays, the embattled general manager found himself unable to endure the tension any further, ripped off his tie and Oxford shirt to reveal a No. 99 Yankees jersey, and stormed onto the field to pitch eight scoreless innings. "The amazing thing is that besides Mr. Cashman having absolutely no playing experience, he didn't even warm up," Yankees pitching coach Ron Guidry said during a post-game press conference. "He wanted to go the whole game, and sure, I got booed when I pulled him, but I could see him losing a little edge on his curve[ball] around his 100th pitch and we need to save his arm for the rest of the season." Though Cashman's stellar performance received praise and admiration from Yankees fans, it was overshadowed in the national press by Washington GM Jim Bowden's complete game one-hitter.

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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

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