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Brian Urlacher Out Four To Six Weeks With Excuses

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Brian Urlacher Out Four To Six Weeks With Excuses

CHICAGO—Bears team officials announced Tuesday that middle linebacker Brian Urlacher, who has been largely ineffective in Chicago's recent losses, will miss at least the next month with a variety of medical and personal excuses. "Brian has this pain in his back that might be arthritis or a muscle pull, but he keeps saying it really hurts," Chicago head coach Lovie Smith told reporters. "Then I guess he has all this heavy-duty crap going on with his ex-wife, he says the mothers of some of his other kids need straightening out, I don't know, maybe he misses Paris Hilton, but for the next few games, these excuses will keep him from coming in at the ends of plays and hitting the guys [Bears linebacker] Lance Briggs was already tackling." Urlacher himself refused to comment due to what he said was the sudden and tragic death of his grandmother.

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