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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Brian Urlacher Retires With Plenty Of Injuries Left In The Tank

CHICAGO—Iconic Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher officially announced his retirement from the NFL Wednesday, despite acknowledging that he still had “a lot of injuries left in the tank.” “I’ve decided that now is the time to end my playing career, even though I’m very confident that I could continue suffering injuries at a high level for a couple more seasons,” Urlacher wrote in a statement to reporters, adding that his decision largely hinged on the fact that he could no longer get hurt playing for the Bears. “I’m still very much capable of going out there and straining my hamstrings, fracturing the bones in my arms, and tearing my knee ligaments. And there’s no doubt in my mind that I could be listed as questionable for 16 games next season, but after 13 years in the league, my choice to retire is final.” Urlacher went on to thank the Bears organization and fans, claiming that he will “never forget” the time he spent on the team’s sidelines last season.

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