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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Bristol Palin Interview Accidentally Reveals Mother's 15 Abortions

WASILLA, AK—Sarah Palin's political team was forced to do emergency damage control Monday after the former Alaska governor's daughter Bristol accidentally divulged on live television that her mother has undergone at least 15 abortions over the past 30 years. "She's always telling me how special I am, especially considering the five or six babies she aborted before I was born," Palin, 20, said during a CNN interview in which she was asked if she thought her mother would make a good president. "Then of course there were the twins she aborted shortly after having me, another four abortions after Willow somehow survived hers—but anyway, she's a wonderful mom. She just gets pregnant a lot and doesn't always want to have the baby." Palin also commended her mother's strength in carrying three babies with Down syndrome to term, and then even choosing not to give Trig up for adoption like the others.

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