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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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British Royal Family Places Queen Elizabeth In Nursing Home

LONDON—Concluding it was the best way to ensure she remains comfortable during her twilight years, the British Royal Family recently placed Queen Elizabeth II into a local nursing home, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Members of the Royal Family are in agreement that they simply do not have the time or resources to personally provide Her Majesty with the type of constant care she needs and deserves at this point,” said a Buckingham Palace spokesman, adding that the family had selected a facility within the city of London in order to make monthly visits from her children and grandchildren feasible. “The Queen has never wanted to be a burden, and with this arrangement she will be surrounded by others at a similar stage in their lives. While the accommodations are perhaps not what she is accustomed to, she will no doubt enjoy the many organized activities, such as movie night and occasional excursions to the shopping mall.” At press time, Prince Charles was assuring his irate mother that she would be put in a private room as soon as one was available.

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