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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Broncos Quietly Bury Peyton Manning In Unmarked Grave Next To Stadium

DENVER—Standing solemnly next to the patch of ground where the veteran quarterback’s body lay, members of the Denver Broncos organization quietly buried Peyton Manning in an unmarked grave next to Sports Authority Field at Mile High, sources confirmed Thursday. “You were a good quarterback...and a good man,” Broncos general manager John Elway said as he shoveled the last bit of soil onto Manning’s grave, leaving only a small mound of dirt to signify the longtime NFL star’s final resting place near the stadium’s Gate 8 entrance. “We’ll never forget you. Rest well, old friend.” At press time, the Broncos released a statement ruling Manning out for the rest of the season with a reoccurrence of the plantar fascia injury in his left foot.

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