adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Broncos Receivers Keep Forgetting They Can Run Farther Than 5 Yards Downfield On Passing Plays

DENVER—Team sources confirmed Sunday that members of the Denver Broncos' receiving corps are still struggling to remember they can now run more than five yards down the field during a passing play. "I guess we just got really used to taking a few steps and then immediately starting to block the nearest defender," said third-year wideout Eric Decker, adding that he also has to occasionally catch himself from instinctively jogging off the field after every third down. "It definitely caught me off guard the first time I looked up in the middle of a play and saw the ball coming directly toward me and not 15 feet away. It's unusual, for sure, but I'm slowly getting used to tight spirals hitting my hands. I really like it, actually." When reached for comment, new Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning confirmed that he is having difficulty adjusting to receivers who drop every single ball he throws them.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close