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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Brooklyn Man Can Still Remember Where He Was When Giants Won Super Bowl XLVI

BROOKLYN, NY—Giants fan and Brooklyn resident Charles Somers, 34, can still remember exactly where he was on the early February day when the New York Giants won the NFL championship by defeating the New England Patriots in the 2012 Super Bowl. "I can still recall just what I was doing when the clock wound down—I was in my place, hardly able to believe it, sitting on the edge of a raggedy red chair I used to have," the nostalgic Somers told reporters. "In fact, I still have it. Let me just… Here. I was right about here. That memory will be with me forever." Somers is also "pretty sure" he was over at his friend Dave's place in 2008 when the Giants won Super Bowl XLII, but noted, "That was a long time ago."

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