adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Brooklyn Man Can Still Remember Where He Was When Giants Won Super Bowl XLVI

BROOKLYN, NY—Giants fan and Brooklyn resident Charles Somers, 34, can still remember exactly where he was on the early February day when the New York Giants won the NFL championship by defeating the New England Patriots in the 2012 Super Bowl. "I can still recall just what I was doing when the clock wound down—I was in my place, hardly able to believe it, sitting on the edge of a raggedy red chair I used to have," the nostalgic Somers told reporters. "In fact, I still have it. Let me just… Here. I was right about here. That memory will be with me forever." Somers is also "pretty sure" he was over at his friend Dave's place in 2008 when the Giants won Super Bowl XLII, but noted, "That was a long time ago."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close