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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Brooklyn Nets Insist They Only See Jason Collins As Terrible Player

NEW YORK—Several weeks after making history by signing the first publicly gay athlete in a major North American sports league, members of the Brooklyn Nets stressed to reporters Friday that they view new teammate Jason Collins only as a really terrible basketball player. “We don’t look at him as the first openly gay player in the NBA—he’s just like any other guy on the team who comes in during garbage time and contributes nothing on either side of the ball,” said Nets forward Paul Pierce, insisting that on the court, the 35-year-old 7-foot center is an unexceptional, totally ineffective big man and nothing more. “His sexuality isn’t a big deal to us. Understandably the media and fans will concentrate on that, but in our eyes, he’s just another benchwarmer who’ll grab a rebound every once in a while and have no actual impact whatsoever on this team.” Pierce went on to say that the signing of Collins was not about publicity or marketing, but rather reflects the franchise’s strategy of building a team around aging players long past their prime.

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