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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Brooks Bollinger Best Option At Quarterback For NFL Team

DALLAS—Brooks Bollinger, a journeyman third-stringer whose career has found him occupying roster spots behind backups Vinny Testaverde, Kelly Holcomb, and Brad Johnson (twice), is now considered by an NFL team to be their actual best choice at quarterback. "We can win with Brooks," coach Wade Phillips said of the Wisconsin product, whose college and pro careers have been marked by hard work, gutsy play, and handoffs rather than talent. "Must, I mean. We must win with him. We have no choice." Bollinger was unavailable for comment, as he was practicing handoffs to a man named Tashard Choice, who is currently the best option at running back for the same NFL team.

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