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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Brooks Bollinger Best Option At Quarterback For NFL Team

DALLAS—Brooks Bollinger, a journeyman third-stringer whose career has found him occupying roster spots behind backups Vinny Testaverde, Kelly Holcomb, and Brad Johnson (twice), is now considered by an NFL team to be their actual best choice at quarterback. "We can win with Brooks," coach Wade Phillips said of the Wisconsin product, whose college and pro careers have been marked by hard work, gutsy play, and handoffs rather than talent. "Must, I mean. We must win with him. We have no choice." Bollinger was unavailable for comment, as he was practicing handoffs to a man named Tashard Choice, who is currently the best option at running back for the same NFL team.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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