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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Brother-In-Law's Latest Money-Making Scheme Involves Starting PGA Championship Golf Course

TOLEDO—Local brother-in-law Steven Foster, 32, revealed a new money-making scheme at a family gathering Thursday, a proposal to start a PGA championship golf course by "getting a big ass piece of land" and "designing really cool holes." "We're talking about a top-caliber course that makes tons of cash because it's way better than everything else and you can hold like four pro tournaments a month," said Foster, adding that it would be easy to "throw some water, sand traps, and Pebble Beach stuff in there and get the pros to come." "How hard is it going to be to have an expensive pro shop and a big driving range? People will love it, getting burgers at the 19th hole. And we can have a girl going around during tournaments selling stuff. Do it classy though." Foster confirmed that the PGA championship course would also make a "shit-ton of dough" when rented out on weekdays for weddings and class reunions.

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