adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Brother, Sister Talk On Phone To Make Mom Happy

CRANBERRY, PA—According to family sources, siblings Kara and Ross Delp spoke briefly on the phone Tuesday in an effort to please their mother and fulfill her request that they maintain a relationship. “Hey, how’s it going?” said the indifferent 32-year-old elder brother as he dutifully cycled through a short list of generic topics of conversation with his equally detached 29-year-old sister with whom he shares no mutual interests and little affection. “Mom said you were starting a new job. Do you like it?” At press time, the siblings were explaining to each other how busy they both were, but this was nice and they should definitely talk again soon.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close