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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Browns Caught Trying To Sneak Girl Into Huddle

CLEVELAND—During the fourth quarter of their game last Sunday, the Cleveland Browns offense was caught attempting to sneak a 23-year-old female fan into their huddle. According to head referee Ed Hochuli, officials were informed of the hoax when the opposing defense pointed out the ill-fitting uniform of supposed backup guard Floyd Womack, as well as the flowing blond hair emerging from the back of "Womack's" helmet. "It sucks we couldn't pull it off, because it would have been awesome," Browns quarterback Brady Quinn said. "The plan was working so perfectly. As usual, we were losing really bad in the fourth quarter, so we figured that once the cameras cut away to a more interesting game we would have a chance to rush Julie onto the field. Unfortunately, the defense sniffed out what we were doing and ruined it." Browns coach Eric Mangini later said the young woman was the most aggressive and talented person in the team's huddle.

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